Christmas With Akatsuki
by AkiraDawn
Summary: It's Christmas time! And what could be more exciting than sharing Christmas with our favorite dysfunctional criminal organization? Enjoy! R&R! Rated for language
1. Chapter 1 Happy Holidays!

Christmas With Akatsuki

Hey everybody! I hope you enjoy the Christmas fun with Akatsuki…although I'm not sure if fun is the exact word for it….that is unless you consider large batches of egg nog, secret santa-ing, tangled Christmas lights, and…well Deidara's holiday magic fun….

Some Background…

It's another Christmas in an apartment that involves Akatsuki, if this Christmas is anything like previous Christmas's…Sasori will be drunk, Kisame will fall into the tree and Itachi will put his fist through a wall….maybe this year will be different?

"Everyone! I've made up my mind, yeah." Deidara said as he held 14 bright red Christmas bows that were supposed to go on the outside balcony, he was also wrapped in garland….also supposed to go on the outside balcony.

"You've decided that Chicken of the Sea IS in fact fish and not chicken?" Sasori asked untangling a huge strand of blinky lights.

"What?" Deidara asked puzzled.

"Nevermind….what have you made up your mind about?" Sasori asked finding one end of lights.

"I have decided….that I'm going to have a baby, yeah!" And Deidara's eyes sparkled. Kisame nearly dropped the wreath he had just finished arranging. Itachi, who was baking sugar cookies in the kitchen, nearly burnt himself on the cookie sheet. Sasori loved to kill Deidara's buzz…and so he did….

"Deidara! You are so stupid! Do you realize how many things you don't have in order to have a baby? Do you realize how stupid you are for saying such an ignorant thing?" Well, Sasori succeeded because Deidara's heart sunk.

"That phase will last a good 27 minutes….he's just upset the baby chocobo learned how to fly and flew off 2 days ago." Itachi said to Kisame.

"Hey can I help you decorate the cookies." Kisame said watching Itachi mix icing.

"Yeah, yeah you can."

"Well, will you take off the 'You're my bitch' apron?"

"No! You ARE my bitch!" Itachi said giving his icing a final stir.

"Deidara, honestly, do you think we have room for a baby in this apartment? And secondly, do you realize what all has to happen in order for you to have a baby, seriously?" Hidan asked stringing lights all over their Christmas tree.

"I could have a baby, yeah! I even have her name picked out, yeah!" Deidara somewhat yelled getting even more tangled up in the bows and now wrapped up in a huge string of garland. Zetsu sighed, he was currently reshaping the wreath that would go on the door as well as dusting off the tree topper, which was a little figure of 'the leader' holing up the world. "Deidara, why the hell would you pick out baby names when you are NOT going to have a baby?"

"Because….I thought it would be a good idea, yeah aaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhhh!" That was the sound of Deidara wrapping his ankles up in garland and falling over into the floor.

"Dude, why did you mix red icing when you used the Christmas tree cookie cutter like 50 times?" Kisame asked.

"Because the circle cookie cutter was just stupid." Itachi said. "Oh, and all we had was red food coloring."

"Deidara, untangle yourself and get outside to the balcony and put our bows and our garland out there now! And take all the stupid ideas of you having a baby and throw them over the balcony while you're at it!" Sasori yelled as he began throwing ornaments on their tree.

"Well, if anyone wanted to know, I would name my little girl Danielle, yeah!" And with that Deidara stumbled towards the balcony to complete his job.

"Wait, wait, Deidara…..do you remember what happened 19 years ago that made the world….stupider?" Zetsu said. Deidara looked puzzled.

"How would I know that, yeah? I was born 19 years ago so I would have like so been a baby, yeah." Zetsu looked at Sasori and shook his head.

"Deidara my point is, the world isn't ready for another you. The world is doing well just to deal with you and your sister." Zetsu said.

"I don't get what you're saying…..oh my god! You think I want to have sex with my sister, yeah? You are like so sick! Okay, like first off if my sister has a baby there is a 101 percent chance it will be Itachi's, yeah. Secondly, that is like insects when brothers and sisters have sex….oh my god, I'm going to hag this stuff now, yeah."

"Oh my god! He is such a moron!" Sasori said through gritted teeth.

"Hey, when he gets back in here we need to draw names, for now come and eat some of these cookies." Itachi said. And so it Christmas had begun…


	2. Chapter 2 The Cards and The Sale

"Okay, I have everyone's name written on a piece of paper and I stuffed them into this bag." Kisame said. "Deidara, it looks like a 7 year old hung those bows and that garland, but we need to draw names so everyone knows who got who. Here, Sasori you draw first." Kisame held the bag in front of Sasori. Then it went to Hidan, then Tobi, then Itachi, then Zetsu then Deidara, then Kakuzu, then Kisame picked the last one. "Now everyone quickly look at who you have and don't say it out loud!" Kisame instructed. Everyone did exactly as instructed. There was a long pause.

"Well, now that that's over with I guess we can finish our decorating." Kisame said. Tobi ran off to find the Christmas tree skirt, Kakuzu went to pick Christmas ornament hooks off the floor, Hidan was setting up a small nativity in his bedroom and everyone else had dispersed to do other Christmas themed things….except Itachi.

"Hey….who did you get?" He asked Zetsu.

"Dude, I'm not going to tell you that!" Zetsu said.

"No, you don't understand I HAVE to have Deidara. I have the perfect gift for him and I have to give it to him." Itachi told Zetsu.

"Oh, well I got Hidan." Itachi left Zetsu alone and tracked down Sasori.

"Dude, who did you draw?"

"I'm not taking your ridiculous requests like last year." Sasori answered.

"No, it's not that. I need to have Deidara's name."

"Sorry, I got Kisame." And so Itachi started to get pissed. He found Kisame in the closet digging out the giant stash of Christmas cards they were going to send.

"Kisame, who did you draw?"

"Itachi, I'm sorry that last year the gift you got sucked ass but…"

"No, no no…..I need to know if you got Deidara's name."

"Yeah, actually I did draw him."

"Okay, okay trade me. I have Tobi. I bought a giant pack of balloons a month ago in the off chance I would draw his name."

"Okay, but there is one thing….what the hell did you do to Deidara that you have to make up for it now?" Kisame asked. Itachi looked shameful for the first time in his life.

"I wore his cream colored cashmere sweater to one of Dana's parties and spilt red wine down the front of it when I was making our with her."

"Man, you better get him something good….he was a babe magnet in that sweater…I mean it's not like he isn't already but damn! Did you ever see him in that sweater?" Kisame asked.

"You're odd." Itachi made the trade and all was calm in the akatsuki apartment. However, only 12 seconds later there was a shrill scream in Itachi and Deidara's bedroom. And of course Deidara came running down the hall.

"Oh my god! Itachi come here, yeah! Come here!" Itachi rolled his eyes and turned around only to find Deidara in his face.

"Deidara what the hell do you….OH MY GOD!"

"RED TAG SALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they both screamed in unison like the girls they were. And the screaming continued.

"Look, look! Prices reduced 50 to 75 percent, yeah!"

"Oh my god! Would you two shut the fuck up! You are such pussy's! Both of you! Go to the sale! You know you want to! God!" Sasori was not happy when so much screaming happened in the apartment. Well, now Deidara was ready to cry and Itachi was calling Sasori every name in the book; and when Itachi started with his incessant string of 'you sorry ass fucker', 'piece of shit puppet' and 'stupid ass bitch' things always got dramatic. It was best for Itachi and Deidara to just leave for the sale and allow Sasori to calm down.

"Would you shut up! Christmas is too a religious holiday!" Hidan yelled at Kakuzu. "It's a Christian holiday!"

"Okay, then since you like holidays so much then why didn't you celebrate Arbor Day!"

"Because dumb ass! I'm not Canadian!" Hidan yelled.

"Oh my god! Holiday's know no nationality!" Kakuzu argued.

"If holiday's know no holiday then why do you never EVER recognize groundhog day!?"

"Oooooh! You…..bitch! Take that back! You know groundhogs freak me out!" Kakuzu shouted.

"Oh my god! Kakuzu how many times do we have to go through this! Groundhogs are like a big fucking gerbil, seriously!"

"Yeah, if gerbils were totally…..wacked out!" And this fight continued until Hidan got sidetracked with Christmas cards that Kisame had brought out from the hallway. Hidan and Kisame made the Christmas card list and Hidan began sorting colored envelopes. Kisame ordered Zetsu to the store to get stamps. It was time to spread Christmas cheer!


	3. Chapter 3 Two Blue Lines?

"Okay, how does this sound: Dana, baby my god you are so fucking hot…I can not wait to lick your body Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, I luh…..I….think your ass is hot. There is that good?" Itachi asked. He and Deidara had returned from the red tag sale and now it was time to write messages in Christmas cards.

"Hmmm….yeah, that's better than last year's card you sent her when you wrote the lyrics to that Ludacris Song, yeah." Deidara said.

"Now, here's mine, yeah: Dana, Merry Christmas from your favorite brother ever, yeah. Love Deidara." Itachi glared.

"Touching…."

"Damn it! Zetsu you can't write I hope you burn in hell in a Christmas card!" Kisame scolded.

"Well, I totally hate sending cards to my mom's friends." Zetsu argued.

"So….don't send them."

"Oh! Listen to my card to Deidara's mom: Diana, may you glisten like lights on the tree. You're beautiful. All my best, Sasori." Sasori had gotten into the egg nog that was in the fridge and until now, Deidara didn't realize Sasori sent his mom cards." Tobi, being the moron he was decided this was a good time to wrap his gift for his 'secret Santa' present. Here's who got who: Zetsu drew Hidan, Sasori drew Kisame, Kisame drew Deidara but traded Itachi so now Kisame had Tobi and Itachi had Deidara. Tobi drew Sasori, Deidara drew Kakuzu, Hidan drew Itachi and Kakuzu drew Zetsu. Now that the confusion has settled, back to the stupid thing Tobi did…. There was a giant crash in the hallway….it was Tobi's air compressor he had hidden in the closet for Sasori. There were three things wrong with this picture: One: Sasori didn't know what the hell an air compressor was Two: There was no room in the apartment for an air compressor three: No one knew what an air compressor did. Nonetheless, Tobi hefted it on his back to go wrap it.

"Hey, does this flow okay? Sasuke…..you're my brother….Itachi." Itachi asked Sasori.

"Well, other than the fact that you are stating the obvious and you don't mention anything about the fact that you bought him a snow globe in New York and that you apologize for fucking up his life and not giving him sex tips…..yeah I'd say that sounds good."

"Alright, that's what I thought too." Itachi answered. At this point Deidara had gone down the hall but the screaming that came from the bathroom made Kisame completely mess up one of the cards. Deidara came running down the hall with something in his hand.

"Oh my god! Is this YOUR doing, yeah? Hmmmmm? Is it? Look! Yeah!" Deidara shoved something in front of Itachi's face.

"Oh…….shit…….I really hope that's not my doing." Itachi said as he stared horrified at the two tiny blue lines before him. Deidara had just found a pregnancy test in the bathroom down the hall. It was kind of ironic since only a day before Deidara was rambling about having a baby. Itachi swallowed hard.

"Deidara…….get the phone."

"I knew it! I knew it was only a matter of time before you would knock up my sister, yeah! I told you to ALWAYS use a condom, Itachi, yeah! And now look what you've done, you've…"

"DEIDARA! Get the damn phone! GET THE PHONE DUMB ASS! Oh and I always use a condom!"

"Oh, this is going to take a lot more than a phone call to fix this….although I do get to be an uncle yeah. And that excites me….a lot, yeah!" Deidara said more than pissed.

"Dana, hey baby, listen…..are you pregnant?" Itachi had called Dana. Deidara had never seen Itachi that pale.

"Oh my god, I am like so not pregnant. Itachi, you and I always use a condom and I so always take my pill, yeah. Did you find that pregnancy test, yeah?"

"Yes." Itachi's voice was confused.

"That is so my friend Chloe's….Ha! She is so screwed, yeah. Because now she is like all pregnant and stuff, yeah."

"Dana….honey….don't freak the fuck out of me like that."

"Ooooooh, I'm sorry. Believe me….a baby is so not what I got you for Christmas, yeah." Dana laughed like the seductress she was. "Oh my god, when I like show it to you, you are going to….hey wait I have to go. Mom is screaming because she got her hair stuck in the blender again, yeah. Bye." And after that episode Itachi passed out in the floor. Deidara started pouting.

"You know, if Itachi would have totally knocked my sister up….I wouldn't have cared, yeah. I would have just played with their baby….god only knows Itachi would make a shitty dad, yeah." Deidara said sitting down to write cards again.

"Any kid of those two's would either turn out to be an evil genius or a fashion model with the IQ of a cheerleader." Sasori whispered to Kisame.

Back to the Christmas matters, Tobi had finally wrapped the air compressor only it looked like a 4 year old wrapped it. Later that night there were a few people coming over for egg nog and holiday cheer…basically the holiday cheer was Itachi trying to talk people into playing naked twister, Deidara wondering how the swirl got put into candy canes, Sasori getting so drunk he would pass out in puppet form, Kisame calling his mother. Zetsu hitting the shrimp tray, and well, everyone else would have to get into something themselves.


	4. Chapter 4 Drunk Catch Phrase

"You know how you have those days when you just have to admit you're totally hot, yeah?" Deidara asked Zetsu.

"Deidara, I have never had a day like that you want to know why? Because I am a fucking plant, Deidara! No one thinks plants are hot!" And Zetsu left in an angry rage.

"I've always thought those hibiscus plants were hot Zetsu, yeah." Deidara called down the hallway. But it didn't matter now because it was time to go argue with Itachi about what to wear.

"Itachi, do you think I should wear the….oooooooooh! Oh my god, yeah!"

"It's not what you think! This is not even what you are thinking!" Itachi yelled defensively.

"Oh….my…..god….is that….what you got Dana for Christmas, yeah." Deidara's eyes were wide." Itachi said nothing, he just glared. "Itachi, don't you play this game with me, yeah. Is that what you got her?" Itachi swallowed hard.

"Yes." He said reluctantly. Deidara then strangled him with a hug.

"She will soooo love that, yeah!" And Deidara bounced off to hit the Rum. However, in the apartment living room 4 guests had already arrived for the soon to be out of control Christmas party. Sasori was merrily passing around egg nog and Kisame and Hidan were arranging the appetizer tray. A nervous and fidgety but gorgeous Itachi came out of the bedroom and quickly had rum shoved into his hand. He needed it badly and he didn't even care that Deidara was wearing his DKNY shirt. It seemed like eternity before Dana and her three hot friends arrived. But they finally showed up and naturally….Deidara and Dana had to do their greeting that Sasori hated so much.

"Merry Christmas baby." Itachi wrapped his arms seductively around Deidara's sister and pulled her aside. "Come here….I want to give you something." He had quickly swept her back into his bedroom. "Here uh……open this." Itachi had never been this passive or nervous. Dana looked at him but opened up the small package he had given her. She gasped.

"Oh….my….god….I know you're not trying to get in my pants…you're already in there, yeah. Itachi….it's beautiful, yeah." Itachi had gotten Dana a diamond circle pendant.

"Well, I thought you'd be beautiful in it…I uh…..I love you Dana." He said it as quickly as possible.

Meanwhile, out in the middle of the apartment, Sasori had already had too much to drink and he was trying to get a game of Catch Phrase together.

"Wow, Sasori I don't know who put together the appetizer tray but it totally makes me want to do you." Yes, Sasori was getting hit on by an equally drunk brunette.

"Hey! Who stapled this mistletoe all over the top of the kitchen doorframe?" Kisame asked.

"Tobi! I told that stupid ass not to do it! But he did it, really! Now out life is a mistletoe hell!" Hidan yelled.

"Man, we just have to watch him all the time don't we?" Kisame said.

"Pretty much." Hidan answered.

"Oh my god! Deidara, did you know about this, yeah?" Dana asked showing off her gorgeous pendant and frankly, a whole lot more."

"Yes! But not until today, Dana your breasts are really close to my face right now, yeah." Deidara answered her a little uncomfortable.

"Oh sorry, yeah. I really love it, he did good, yeah."

"Dana, he's Itachi….of course he did good, yeah." And Dana laughed like the sweetheart she was.

"So have you tried the cheese ball?" Kakuzu asked one of Dana's friends.

"No, I haven't, does it kick ass?" she asked.

"I don't know let's find out." Kakuzu handed her the cheeseball.

"Alright, it's time to play Catch Phrase! Deidara, Kisame, Kakuzu, and you three ladies are on my team!" Sasori said rather loudly.

That left Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan, Tobi, Itachi and Dana on the other team. "Sasori this is really stup…." Sasori interrupted Zetsu.

"No, no man come on. My team will slay your team!" Now the rules of Catch Phrase were simple: You describe an item or person to your team and your team has to guess before the timer runs out. Deidara was going first for team Sasori…

"Okay….umm….this is like one of those things where you use it once and then throw it away, yeah."

"CAN!"

"PLASTIC BAG!"

"CONDOM!"

KETCHUP WRAPPER!" everyone yelled random answers.

"No, no…okay it like has a lens, you so take pictures with it, yeah!"

"DISPOSABLE CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sasorin shouted.

"YES!" Deidara screamed. It was time for the other team sine Deidara started for their team….Dana would start for the other.

"Okay, this is like one of those things, women use it and men usually don't, yeah. It's like….different sizes."

"DIAPHRAGM!"

"CLEANING SUPPLIES!"

"CHECK BOOK!"

"BRA!"

"Wait, okay women use this during specific times of like each month, yeah."

"TAMPON!"

"Oh my god! That is like so right, yeah!"

The incessant screaming that was required for Catch Phrase continued throughout the evening. And the drunker the guests got the worse all the explanations and answers became. The next day would be Akatsuki gift exchange day…mainly because the next day was Christmas Day! However, first everyone had to survive drunk Catch Phrase.

"Alright, alright. Here we go." God, Sasori was in no condition to do this.

"Deidara does this every fucking day!"

"FLAT IRON YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Deidara screamed at Sasori.

"More specific dip shit! What does the damn flat iron do!?"

"STRAIGHTEN HAIR YEAH!!!!!" Deidara was a little too excited. It was now drunk Kisame's turn.

"Okay! Listen! Hidan likes to…."

"PRAY!"

"SLASH STUFF WITH A SWORD!"

"WEAR HAIL GEL!"

"No! Okay…..when we go to the store Hidan always buys several of these red fruits!"

" CUPCAKES, YEAH!"

"DANA! CUPCAKES AREN'T A FRUIT! APPLES!"

"POMEGRANATE!"

"CREAMED CORN, YEAH!"

"DANA!" And then the buzzer went off.

"Come on people…..STRAWBERRIES!" Until the Christmas surprises, I'll leave you with the conclusion of Catch Phrase and Itachi sleeping with Dana before she left to go to her mother's house…..


	5. Chapter 5 GIft Exchange

Sorry everyone, I've been busy over the holidays. Here is my newest chapter, I hope you like it!

Sasori had a list of three things that he absolutely hated waking up to when he had drunk too much the night before: 1. Deidara's smiling face 2. Itachi asleep on the couch in the living room 3. weak coffee. It was Christmas day and fortunately for Sasori the only think he woke up to on his list was weak coffee.He was less than thrilled. He couldn't help but look at the pile of gifts under the tree. One gift appeared that a 2-year-old had wrapped it….it was the gift Tobi had purchased. He was somewhat dreading this whole exchange names thing because last year, Kisame bought him a musical tie……he reeeeeeeally hated that. Nonetheless, he sat on the couch and waited for someone else in the house to stir.

"Merry Christmas Sasori Danna, yeah!" Deidara glared angrily at Deidara as he pranced into the kitchen. Dediara didn't even get laid the night before and yet here he is as happy as the day is bright….Sasori HATED that kind of morning enthusiasm. "Danna, just so you know, Itachi is going to come out here in about 5 minutes and probably try to kill me because I accidentally tripped over a pile of clothes and fell on top of him, yeah. So he isn't real happy about that, yeah." Deidara said immediately getting into the coffee.

"Deidara, I swear one of these mornings I am going to kick the fuck out of you! What have I told you about putting clothes away in the middle of the room?" Itachi bitched groggily.

"Itachi, those are so your clothes, yeah." Deidara argued.

"Yeah, well when I'm with your sister they aren't my problem." Itachi said. This wonderful argument was interrupted by the presence of Hidan, Kakuzu and Zetsu.

"You know when we have parties we have got to start setting boundaries in this place I found Deidara's sweatshirt in my bed." Zetsu said.

"Oh my god! I have been looking for that, yeah."

"You mean that wasn't from last night?" Kakuzu asked.

"No, I'm thinking this has been in Zetsu's room for at least 2 weeks, yeah." Deidara said.

"Hey, Tobi got his foot stuck in the door again, so unfortunately, I'm awake." Kisame said appearing with Tobi. His foot was in a wrap. At this point the gift exchange could begin.

"Alright, well I'm going to get my gift over with." Zetsu said. "I drew Hidan, here ya go Hidan, Merry Christmas." Zetsu awaited Hidan's reaction.

"Oh my god! A replacement scythe blade!? You rule Zetsu thank you, seriously!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Yeah, well it had you written all over it." Zetsu replied.

"I guess I'll go next. Kisame I drew you." Sasori said. Sasori absently threw Kisame's gift into his lap. Kisame shrieked.

"Jaws 1, 2 and 3! You know how much I love Jaws 1, 2 and 3!"

"Yeah, I know." Sasori said dryly. Now it was Kisame's turn. He gave Tobi his gift and Tobi quickly tore into it.

"Aaaaaagggggggghhhh! BALLOONS! I love balloons!"

"Yeah, go crazy." Kisame told him. Unfortunately, Tobi would do just that. Now before Tobi went to have his balloon fest, he would clumsily adorn Sasori with his gift. "Here Sasori, this one is yours." Tobi said struggling with the heavy gift. "Tobi….what the hell is this?" Sasori said staring at the huge gift.

"Open it! Open it! Open it!" Tobi bounced around. Sasori opened it up.

"An air compressor?" Sasori asked puzzled. Tobi shook his head excitedly. "Uuuuuhhhhh….thanks….Tobi….you can go play now." Deep down Sasori decided to sell it on eBay….Tobi would never know. Now Kakuzu handed Zetsu his gift. Zetsu opened the small package.

"Gift certificates to Domino's Pizza! I love that place Kakuzu, thanks!" Zetsu was thrilled.

"Here! Here Kakuzu, I drew your name, yeah." Deidara couldn't wait. Deidara shoved a gift into his hands. Since Deidara was the shopper that he was…Kakuzu knew this would be a gift worth keeping.

"Oh my god! Deidara! How did you know that I wanted a Waterford goblet!?" Kakuzu exclaimed.

"I saw your collection of other Waterford crystal in your room, yeah!" Deidara knew that he had done a great job. Now it was Hidan's turn to give Itachi his gift. Hidan was nervous because Itachi was SO hard to buy for.

"Itachi, seriously I drew your name. So, I hope that you like this. Itachi hesitantly opened the oddly wrapped package.

"Hidan! Thanks! Dana lost my other mirror and this is the perfect size!"

"Man, how did you know to do that?" Zetsu whispered to Hidan.

"Well, I figured that Itachi would be a bitch to buy for, so I just got him the mirror so he could fix his hair anytime any place." Hidan answered. It was indeed quite logical. Now it was time for Itachi to present Deidara with his gift.

"Okay, Deidara. I had your name. Here." Itachi said dryly. It didn't take Deidara long to open up the box…

"Oh my god! Itachi! I love it, yeah! It's the perfect cream Prada cashmere sweater, yeah!!! You know I never did figure out what happened to my other sweater, yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you ,yeah!" Deidara threw his arms around Itachi.

"Okay, Deidara remember how we talked about how you aren't supposed to hug me like that because it's FUCKING GAY!" Itachi said angrily.

"I should try this on right now, yeah!" Deidara insisted stripping off his shirt before anyone had a chance to disagree with this. Itachi was not pleased.

"Oh my god! Look at you! What the hell is with this! God, you are…..you're completely….I mean…..Deidara you're like three times tighter than me. HOW!?!?" Itachi demanded. God forbid ANYONE be slightly better looking than Itachi.

"Well, Itachi, while you've been screwing my sister, I've been doing 275 sit-ups a day, yeah." Itachi sighed.

"That looks really good on you. I'm borrowing it after I begin my sit-up routine.

Ah, yes it had been a very Merry Christmas….


	6. Chapter 6 New Year's Eve Surprise

Well, after all the Christmas excitement it was time to take down all the decorations and get ready for the greatest holiday of them all….New Year's Eve….the pinnacle of holidays for Akatsuki. Itachi was still pissed at Deidara for the fact that he actually looked better than Itachi did right now. However, starting January 1st Itachi was going to the gym with Deidara, you got a discount if you joined with a friend and Itachi sure as hell wasn't dragging Kisame's ass to the gym.

Now, back to the impending New Year's party…..Dana and Itachi were in charge of the guest list and they had carefully screened everyone on it to make certain no one at the party was unattractive. However, New Year's Eve with Akatsuki was usually wild enough to get everyone arrested or evicted….or both! Unfortunately, Deidara found the guest list. Here's what happened after that….

"Oh my god! Why didn't you…..how did you….Marisol is coming to our New Year's Eve party, yeah?!" Deidara now had grabbed Itachi by the collar and his eyes were burning into Itachi's eyes. Marisol wasn't just any friend of Dana's. First Marisol was one of Dana's best friends; secondly Deidara had been crazy about Marisol since he was 15. However she ALWAYS had a boyfriend and a shitty boyfriend at that.

"Okay, okay Deidara….relax. Yes. Marisol is coming to our New Year's Eve party but there's something you need to know…but you have to let go of me first." Itachi said.

"Oh okay, yeah." Deidara let go of him.

"Okay, Marisol isn't seeing anyone…she's a very single girl now." Deidara's face went pale.

"Itachi…I have flirted with her for four years…FOUR YEARS ITACHI, YEAH! Four years of trying to convince her that she's in crappy relationships and that she should be with me, yeah." Deidara stopped, his brain was in overdrive. "Oh my god! This is my opportunity to like….hit on her again, yeah! Oh my god! I need something to wear, yeah. And, and, and….I really need to change the sheets on my bed to the soft ones, yeah. And…" Itachi interrupted him.

"Oh my god! That's the first time I've ever heard you say something like that! You really are a man aren't you!" Itachi was thrilled.

"What, what are you talking about, yeah." Itachi stuck a finger in Deidara's face.

"You're going to put your better sheets on your bed because you're going to do whatever it takes to fuck her before the new year." Itachi folded his arms in front of him. Deidara gasped.

"Okay, okay, first off….don't flip your hair at me, yeah…..secondly, I would never EVER overstep any sexual boundaries with Marisol or any other girl, yeah." Itachi smiled all over.

"Oh my god, Deidara I have waited for this day for a long time…the day a woman triggers every ounce of testosterone in you and your instincts kick in. Deidara, my friend….I see hormones raging so hard in you, it makes even me seem kinda girly." Itachi walked away even though Deidara was not pleased about how this conversation ended. He needed to call Dana….

"Kisame, please, please tell me you'll stick by me at our New Year's Eve party. I mean think about the guest list Itachi and Dana dreamed up….anyone over a size 6 in women's or a size 28 in men's will be considered fat." Sasori sighed and put his head in his hands.

"I know how New Year's Eve stresses you out. Don't worry man I'll be here for you. But, really…you're not fat. Hey, tell you what you and I will keep and eye on Sasuke since he's coming. He could use a positive role model." Kisame said.

"Yeah, you're right. We'll show him what to do when things get too out of control. We'll bring Zetsu with us." Kisame said.

Ah, yes. New Year's Eve….it was becoming a reality.

Hey everybody! Hope you liked the finished story. Look for my next story about the New Year's Eve party. It is going to be shorter than other stories.


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